


Please Get Better

by boazpriestly



Series: No Matter What Universe We're In, I Will Always Find You [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Depression, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boazpriestly/pseuds/boazpriestly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets this way sometimes and Dean doesn’t know why, except that Cas’ mama said it was something called being depressed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Get Better

The bowl is cold in Dean’s tiny hands as he carries the ice cream to the back room where Castiel sits staring at a wall. He’s been that way for hours, unmoving and eyes focused on nothing Dean can see. He gets this way sometimes and Dean doesn’t know why, except that Cas’ mama said it was something called being depressed; It meant that sometimes Cas got sad for no reason and didn’t want to do nothing but sit in his room or sleep for a long time. Dean tried bringing Cas all his superhero toys once, cause Cas liked being Captain America when they played with them, but Cas didn’t even look at them and Dean had to play all the parts by himself.

Cas’ mama told Dean that he was a good friend for always being there when her little boy got down, but Dean always felt like he could do more, like there was just something small that he wasn’t doing now and if he just figured out what it was Cas would get better and he’d be happy again. It never worked like that, though. Sometimes Cas acknowledged Dean when he got like this and he’d smile and tell Dean he loved him and that he was the best friend Cas could ever ask for, but his voice was always so soft and tired and Dean had to concentrate to hear all his words. Mostly though, Cas just stared at walls and cocked his head to the side as if he was listening to something in his head that only head could hear. 

Dean sets the big bowl of ice cream on the floor between him and Cas and turns on the TV. Tom and Jerry is on, so Dean doesn’t bother flipping through the channels. He turns the volume down low just in case today is a talking day for Cas. Dean scoops a bit of ice cream onto his spoon and positions the second spoon closer to Cas, in case he gets hungry and decides he wants to eat today. 

Sammy used to come to Cas’ house with Dean, before Cas’ episodes started happening more and more. He used to play hide and seek with them and be the best hider ever cause he’s so little and can fit in all the places Dean and Cas can’t; Cas gave him piggyback rides when he won. But one day, in the middle of a game, Cas checked out while he was hiding in a closet and when Sam told him that he’d found him Cas cried and hugged his knees. Cas’ daddy had to pick him up from the floor and take him to bed and pet his hair until Cas cried himself to sleep. Dean had to do the same to Sam, swearing over and over that it wasn’t Sam’s fault and that he didn’t hurt Cas, it was just something that happened sometimes. Cas’ daddy drove the two of you home later that night and promised he’d make it up to you guys when Cas got better, which meant a trip to the boardwalk to ride the ferris wheel and eat funnel cakes. Except Cas didn’t get better for a long time and Dean just stopped bringing Sammy with him anymore, and Dean’s mom said it was probably for the best. 

Cas’ half of the ice cream is almost a puddle when he shifts beside Dean and sits crosslegged. Dean doesn’t hope for anything, but he looks away from the TV anyways and is shocked to see Cas looking at him. There’s a smile on Cas’ face, small and faint, but still there. Dean’s heart races, excited; he should’ve brought his cars today or something so they could play Nascar like Cas sometimes likes. 

"I don’t want to be here," Cas says all weird like he’s using a voice that doesn’t belong to him. 

Dean puts his spoon in the bowl and turns his body until he’s facing Cas. “We can go to the park, if you want.” 

Cas shakes his head. “That’s not what I mean.” 

A chill slides down the back of Dean’s neck like a drop of water making its way to his butt. He doesn’t feel so good right now. “Well, your mama’s gonna be home in a couple minutes,” Dean says. “She can take us to the library and we can finish getting those books you wanted. The ones about ghosts and space.” 

"I don’t want to be here," Cas says again, this time slower like he’s trying to feel the way the words weigh down his tongue. "I don’t want to be alive." 

"What?" Dean’s eyes pop wide, the chill becomes a full on blizzard and freezes him solid. 

"I need a knife." Cas stands and walks quickly out the room. Dean doesn’t know what to do so he stands and follows after him. Cas leads him to the kitchen and just stands by the counter looking and the knife block on top. Dean walks up next to him and puts his hand on Cas’ arm. 

"Please," Dean begs. "Let’s just go watch TV again. I think Looney Tunes is gonna start soon. Or we can watch Mickey Mouse or —" 

The front door opens and Cas’ mama calls out to them, asking if they’re doing okay. Dean wipes at tears he hadn’t realized he’d cried and sniffles. Cas turns to him slowly and wraps his arms around Dean. 

"I’m sorry," Cas whispers in Dean’s ear. He squeezes Dean tight and sobs onto his shoulder. "Please don’t tell anyone." 

"It’s okay, Cas. It’s gonna be okay." 

Cas’ Mama finds them like that, crying all over each other until they’re nothing more than a big ball of snot and hiccups. And after she gets Cas to sleep and makes Dean some dinner, Dean tells her everything and prays Cas doesn’t hate him for it. 

She tells him he did the right thing and Dean’s mom says the same thing, but Dean doesn’t get to see Cas again for six months because the hospital doesn’t let little kids visit, and somehow, Dean’s okay with that.


End file.
